Time to C.H.I.L.L.
by Marie B.
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
1 Corinthians15:58 ESV
It was going to be a quiet night. Too quiet. Joey was at our kitchen sink, peeling his hard-boiled eggs for his dinner. I, Marie, was holed up in the bedroom.
It’s hard to have a married couples fight, er, I mean “discussion”, if you only have a small area to live with each other. It reminded me of two boxers in a ring, waiting for the next move.
People sometimes ask: “Do you and Joey ever fight?”
My answer: “Hello? Is the sky blue?”
Yes we still do. Not about major stuff, but it’s the minor stuff that gets us.
The bible calls them little foxes.
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!”
Song of Solomon 2:15
Those minor irritations that scrape your peace like sandpaper.
Our fight started out innocently enough…
Our washing machine was making ERROR signals, and being the frugal, mechanic wannabe that I am, I wanted to DIY and repair it myself.
It’s an old machine used by previous tenants, so I figured, there must be something stuck somewhere
I checked out You tube videos and huddled down, on the tile floor, to work with pails, rags and screwdriver. I drained and cleaned the rubber gaskets, scooped out the gunk from the dirt traps inside the washer.
But after an hour of doing this, I wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to open the back of the washing machine and clean inside that area too, where those mystery wires and things are.
Did I know what I was doing? Nope. Did I ever do this before? Never.
Frankly, I was clueless, but obsessed.
I wanted to do it and finish it NOW.
In the meantime, my husband does not know wha’ts in my head.
He doesn’t know his wife is a brilliant mechanic wannabe, who is a wizard in problems such as this.
I, on the other hand, was sure he would stand in awe and bow before my brilliance.
He will wax euphoric and say, “Oh wife of noble character! I hit the jackpot with you in my life!”
Unfortunately, Joey doesn’t.
He has no idea what my plan is. His plan for the day was to enjoy his one rest day in the week. He didn’t know that would include him lifting and setting aside our stacked up dryer, so he could drag out the heavy washer, which was under the dryer, so I could unscrew the back and get on with my experiments.
Joey: “You want to do that now???”
When Joey asked that question, his real meaning was really,
“You want to do that now?”
But sometimes our brain interprets it differently
Marie hears “You want to do that now?”
Marie’s brain interprets it this way: “Joey doesn’t care. After all I’ve done, after all the sacrifice, this is the thanks I get?!? Just to be unappreciated?? How dare he blah blah blah!!!”
And so began the fight, oops I mean, discussion.
Does that ever happen to you? When good intentions end up in miscommunication?
When dinner ends up to be 4 hard-boiled eggs?
Joey and I laugh about it now, and call it the night of the #4eggs.
Here are some reminders for myself, that I thought I’d share with you, just in case you have drama moments like we do:
CLARIFY. Your thoughts and conclusions may not be 100% accurate, so don’t jump into conclusions. Express yourself clearly and patiently.
HALT. Control your mouth and thoughts and do not let it run like a runaway train.
IGNORE. Ignore the fleshly urge to retaliate. Give each other grace as God gives you grace.
LISTEN. Learn to Listen before reacting.
LET GO. Do not make it a habit to keep offenses. Be a person who forgives easily and quickly as Christ has forgiven you.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help us to C.H.I.L.L.
Whether it be with our relationships at home or work.
Help people see Christ in us and in our reactions.
In Jesus name, amen.
Watch out for your little foxes and Have a C.H.I.L.L. week : >
“So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.”
1 Corinthians15:58 NLT
Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.
Song of Solomon ESV